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In Memory of Steven Paul Chucknick



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In Tribute to Steven Paul Chucknick
44 years old.   Residence: Cliffwood Beach, N.J.
Died in World Trade Center

NOTE:  The visitor remarks and comments below are NOT NECESSARILY the feelings or beliefs of this website's webmaster or sponsors.
 

327 Total Comments
Page:  12 of 17

My Beloved,

I know I have not written to you in a few days, but you know my heart is with only you. Winter has really settled in, and the snow that we have been getting I accept as a present from you. You know that I am wishing for a white Christmas, so please, if you can, let it be. The wind has been blowing unbelievably the past few days, and as I sat and listened to it, I remembered the plaque that I made that you loved. "If you listened to the wind, you can hear angels whispering." I remembered that plaque and changed it to "As I listen to the wind, I can hear you whispering." Sometimes I hear something in the house, and I will ask Steven what he said, only to find out he said nothing. Was it you speaking to me? Was I not listening close enough? I need you by my side this Christmas. I need to feel the way I did when you were here. I see the candles and the lights glowing in the evening, and all I can do is dream. Dream of a time when my life was so incredibly perfect. I will love you forever.

My heart to only you, forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-12-10 ***

To Brad Marcukaitis,

Thank you for your tribute on my husband's site. I am happy to know that it has affected you. It seems that the love Steve had for people when he was with us still shines through. He was an absolutely amazing man that I was blessed to have met and become his wife. I still adore him and always will. I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas, and may God watch over each and every one of you.

Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-12-10 ***

You could ask me a million times how I came across this website, let alone your page, and I would not be able to answer definitively. I am at work today, and I am reading the entries Barbara and others have entered, and I am absolutely FLOORED by the LOVE I am feeling here.
  I live about 50 miles south of Chicago in a small towm named Kankakee, Illinois. I am a strong believer in Christ, a married man, father of two, and I am so THANKFUL that GOD has allowed me to visit with you today. I have so many things I would like to say, and I am not able to think of how to correctly say them. I'll give it a try.
  I have never read a blog, bio, etc. of anyone who died on 9/11. Except for this one right here. I do, however, think of the ultimate sacrifice that was paid on that day. By EVERYONE who went home to our Heavenly Father on that day. I have visited the WTC site with my wife Diane, and my daughter Olivia, and as expected, we were all taken aback by the level of emptiness there. From what I have read, you see it every day. I can not and I know I will never know how you are feeling.
    We are born into this world, grow up, learn to live, learn to love, and yet most of us take this life for granted. Not me. Not anymore. You have made me realize many things by reading your entries. Most of all, to LOVE. To LOVE more deeply, without holding a record of wrongs, without expecting something in return, to have unconditional love. I can only pray that my wife and children love me as much as you love each other. I know they do. 
  I think of the movie "Saving Private Ryan", when he is in the military cemetery at the end of the movie, and he asks his wife "Have I lived a good life?" She humbly answers "Yes"...... I pray on my judgment day, my GOD will say "Yes" to me as well.
    My daughter Olivia is 12 this year, the same age as your young Steven on that fateful day. My son Jacob, is 22 this year. I will let them know how much I Love them, as I do all the time. Thank You for reminding me to do so.
    My family will be thinking of your family this Christmas, and praying for you too!
    GOD BLESS!

*** Posted by Brad Marcukaitis on 2007-12-08 ***

My Sweet Love,

Today I will just let you know that I love you more with each passing day. You're in my heart because you are my heart and always will be.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-12-05 ***

My Beloved Husband,

The winter time has really come in. Every day there is a bit of snow that falls, and I smile because I think of you. Christmas is just around the corner, and, oh, how I wish you were here! Please watch over us. I love you, my Angel. My heart to only you, forever.

Your wife,
Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-12-04 ***

Hi my Love,

Well, the leaves have finally let go and have come down. And today, to my surprise, I woke up to snow. Is that a gift to me from you? I hope so, because it made me smile. I put up the Christmas lights outside today. Well, it doesn't look as good as when you did it, but I tried. I miss you so much. Christmas is so lonely without you. I miss waking up on Christmas morning and watching you and Steven opening your presents. I never knew who was the kid, you or Steven. You were always happy with whatever. I still remember and cherish the Christmas gifts you gave me on our last Christmas together. I will cherish them always. I miss so much the Christmas ornament you bought me every year. Steven and I still buy the son and dad ornament every year. It's what Steven wants. I asked him how long he wants to keep buying the dad ornament, and his answer was, "Forever." And we will. You will always be the best part of our Christmas, even though you aren't here in body. I love you, my Angel.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-12-02 ***

Hi, My Angel, it's me. I started getting ready for Christmas, and while I know we both loved Christmas, it is so sad without you. The memories are flooding my mind to the point that I don't sleep at night. I loved the way we spent Christmas day. Just the three of us. I loved the night the most when Steven would go to sleep, and we would just sit together holding hands and talking about the day. Now there is no one to talk to in the evening or share the events of the day with or laugh and reminisce. I realized today that there are such few days in the year when I am truly happy the whole day. Everything I do has a memory of you, and I will forever long for those days again. Yet I know I will never have them back. I miss you so much, and I will forever be in love with you. My heart to only you forever.

Your wife,
Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-28 ***

My Love,

I'm sorry I haven't written to you for a few days. I was away, but now I am back. Even though I was away, I thought of you almost every minute. Thanksgiving was lonely without you, and I needed to get away. Now we are preparing for Christmas, again with mixed emotions. I love it, but it is sad without you. I promise I will write again soon. I love you, my Angel.

My heart to only you forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-26 ***

My Love,

This week is Thanksgiving, and no matter how sad I am to be without you, I will always thank God for having you in my life. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and only you can hold my heart forever. I love you, sweetheart. My heart to yours forever.

Your wife,
Barbara

*** Posted by Babara Chucknick on 2007-11-20 ***

Hi, my Angel,

Well, today was Steven's 19th birthday. It was kind of sad because he didn't want to celebrate. He stayed upstairs most of the day, so I left him alone. I know he was thinking about you and missing you. He mentioned you several times. I wish I knew what his birthday wish was. Maybe you know and can help him. I won't say much today, except you know that my heart belongs to you, and I love you.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-17 ***

To Andrea Bell,

Thank you for your tribute on this site. Yes, Steve was and will always be my love and my heart. Thank you for your kind words.

Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-15 ***

My Love,

The days are passing even quicker now, and the season has taken a turn towards colder weather. The leaves on the trees are magnificent colors of golds and yellows, reds and orange. It's as if God reached down from heaven and painted them with such care that it brings tears to your eyes. It's a simple beauty that we are blessed with every year. Tomorrow is Steven's 19th Birthday, and my heart aches for him because ever since you were taken from us, he doesn't even care to celebrate. Please be with him, and let him know you're there. Then next week is Thanksgiving. I can't believe that it's our seventh without you. I remember the first one was horrible. I tried to make it nice for Steven, but it was a disaster. I cooked the entire dinner, and we ate the same time we always did. I sat in your chair so I wouldn't have to face the empty chair you always sat in. We said grace and looked at each other. I burst out crying. We threw the whole dinner in the garbage and just went out and walked. So, being I can't seem to handle the holiday, we will be going to Anne and George's. Even when we say grace there, we all remember you. I miss you so very much. I still have only one wish. And that is to be in your arms again. I love you, my Angel.

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-15 ***

To Barbara, the woman behind these letters:

I feel like I could be talking to my own husband when I read your letters. You must have shared a wonderful, deep connection. I see you are still holding on, and it's so lovely. I wish for you and your son all the best possible in this world. Six years later, I will never forget. I will never forget the enduring. And I hope for a better future. God bless.

*** Posted by Andrea Bell on 2007-11-13 ***

My Love,

It is the end of another day, and here I am again. It's funny, but all the days seem to blend together now. I feel as though my days have no beginning and no end. I miss being able to talk to you at night and during the day. You would call me at least 5 times a day just to say, "I love you." Now it seems that no one calls. Well, I mean people call, but no one cares how my day is going or what I am doing. I loved when you called. It put that little extra in my day that made me smile and kept me going. I miss you! As the holidays approach, I go through the motions, but nothing really phases me. It's funny, though. I always knew the true meaning of Christmas, but now it seems to be especially important to me. I pray for a lot of snow this year, just like the year after you were gone. It seemed as though it snowed every other day, and then we got the blizzard. Steven told me that the blizzard and the snow that year were a present from you telling me that you were happy. Oh, how I wish I knew for sure. I love you, my Angel. My heart to yours always and forever.

Your wife,
Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-13 ***

Hi, My Angel. It's me. It's really cold here today, and, of course, I miss you terribly. As I look around, I can see signs of Christmas appearing. It's funny, but it seems that everyone tries to get ready for the holidays early, almost as if to try to make them last longer. I know I do, but its not just me--everyone seems to be doing it. I love the way things look at Christmas time, and I still try to make it feel like an old-fashioned Christmas. I know that is what you liked as well. Steven will be 19 this week, and he really misses you so much. I don't know where the time goes. He was only 12 when you were taken from us, and now he will be 19. Please always watch over him, and make sure he is safe. I do the best I can. I hope you are proud of me. I love you so much sweetheart, and always will. My heart to yours forever.

Your wife,
Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-11 ***

My Love,
So many people still write to me and want to know more about you. I love talking about you with them, and as I do I close my eyes and all I can see is MY HERO, MY BLESSING, and MY LOVE. Tonight my heart aches. Although I love to talk about you, I have to end my conversations by saying that I will never know what happened to you. And it is for that reason that I will never have peace in my life. I miss your smile so very much. I miss you so very much.
My heart to only you forever
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-10 ***

My Beloved Husband,

Today is 2249 days since I held you and kissed you goodbye. It's not a good day.It's hard not to be down at this time of the year. People are Christmas shopping together and laughing, and I can only remember a time when we did the same thing. It hurts because sometimes I feel as though I am the only one in the world who is alone, and I know that isn't so, yet it feels it. I knew when I first met you that you would hold my heart and my love forever. And so it happened. I am so all alone without you. I know I have family and friends. And for this I am blessed. But no one could ever take your place. You are my smile, my laughter, my heart, my soul, my tears, my everything. You made me complete. I need you by my side, my love, because I am trying too hard, but every day is the same. I wake to thoughts of you, and I fall asleep with your name in my prayers. I love you so much.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-09 ***

My Love,

Today it is pretty cold here. It seems that we are getting a taste of winter, and I love it. The wind was blowing so strong today that it appeared as if it was snowing leaves. It is truly such a beautiful time of the year. I miss the walks that we used to take together on days like today. You always let me snuggle up in your coat. I can still feel the feeling, and that is such a blessing from God. I still remember every little thing about you, and I guess while it makes me smile, it also makes me so sad. With Christmas coming so fast, I will need to speak to you often. It is a hard season to get through because of the beautiful memories that I have and still want more of. I love you, my Angel, and only you hold my heart forever.

My Heart to yours,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-07 ***

My Love,

I have been writing to you on here, but they don't seem to be appearing. Anyway, I just wanted to say, "I Love You!" I am getting ready for the holidays now. Christmas was always our favorite time of year. And yes, I still miss you so much. Christmas morning seems too empty without you. I would give anything for one more Christmas with you. I love you, sweetheart.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-11-04 ***

My Angel,

Today is Halloween, and I spent the day alone walking. I smiled from time to time remembering how you loved this day and loved to get dressed up and go to parties. It was a day filled with memories that ended too soon. I walked most of the day until I realized that nighttime had come. Funny, I can't even remember what I did except walk. Now it will be time to get ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Again, two days that I loved, and now I have to try to keep from crying. You are missed more than you could ever have imagined. Tomorrow I will start to decorate the house. I think I do it more for Steven because I want him to keep the memories of the great times when you were here. If I was granted one Christmas wish, it would be to spend one more Christmas with you--one day, one hour, even one minute. I can still see you smiling on Christmas morning. Steven and I would always try to get at least one gift that was a total surprise for you. But you smiled even for the smallest gift because you just loved being home with us. I can still see you smiling, and it's funny, because seeing you smile was all the gift I ever needed or wanted. You completed me, my sweetheart, and now I find it hard to get through the holidays without you. I find it hard to smile, yet I try so hard. When I feel you near me, are you really there? If I knew for sure, I would kiss the air and hope you feel it. And, if at the same time a breeze should brush my face, I would know that you kissed me back. Oh, please, God, help me get through the rest of my life. Sometimes it is so hard when someone you loved more than life itself is ripped away from you, and all you can do is remember. My love, I love you so much. Please be near.

My heart to only you forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-10-31 ***


327 Total Comments

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