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In Memory of Steven Paul Chucknick

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In Tribute to Steven Paul Chucknick
44 years old.   Residence: Cliffwood Beach, N.J.
Died in World Trade Center

NOTE:  The visitor remarks and comments below are NOT NECESSARILY the feelings or beliefs of this website's webmaster or sponsors.

327 Total Comments
Page:  15 of 17

Hi, Sweetheart,

Today was another tough day. I miss you, and I'm thinking about you constantly. I wonder what life would be like if you were still here. The loneliness would be gone, and I would feel the safety of your arms. I miss your smile, and I miss the reassurance in your eyes. Most of all, I miss you and being with you, and doing all the things we loved to do. I love you, angel.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-19 ***

Hi, Angel. It's me. It's early morning, and the sun has just come up. I couldn't sleep last night, so I sat up talking to you. Did you hear me? Anyway, now with Steven off to college, it's really quiet, and my thoughts turn to you, and how proud you would be of our son. Every day I see more and more of you in him. His eyes, his personality, and everything else he does just proves that you still live. If I never received anything else in my life, I have been blessed so much already, first with you, then with Steven. I just wish we were all together again, because we both miss you so much. Fall is definitely upon us. There is a chill in the air at night and in the morning. The grass glistens with the morning dew. The winds have picked up a bit, and the clouds in the sky look like puffs of snow. I remember the walks we always took on days like today. We laughed and held hands, and the world seemed all right. We never needed anything except ourselves, and Steven. Why did this world have to change? I still do the pumpkin picking and the apple picking like we used to do. It's a memory that I love and a memory that makes me smile. How blessed I am to be your wife! My Heart to only you, forever.

Your wife,

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-18 ***

Hi Barbara,

I just wanted to stop by and say 'Hi!' to you and Steven. I hope you made it through the anniversary date okay. I know it's the hardest (or one of them anyways) part of the year to get through. I am in Phoenix, AZ and it finally slipped under a 100 degrees for a nice "fall day". Anything under 110 is feeling pretty good these days. At least we are heading into the bearable time of the year. Have you ever been to Arizona? Maybe you would like to come visit sometime. It is so very different from New York: Big blue skies and lots of wide open vistas, mountains, etc. I don't live in a fancy home, but it is very comfortable, and there is an extra room. If you feel like you could use a change for a couple of days, we would love to host your stay. I recommend anytime from Oct. to March. Just a thought. You can email me at Ready2goru@aol.com Have a great day today Barbara!


*** Posted by Cheryl on 2007-09-18 ***

Hi, sweetheart. It's me. Just sitting here thinking about you, as always. Sometimes when I think of you out of the clear blue while i'm doing something else, I wonder if you're whispering to me, because I can still feel you with me. I am so very much in love with you, and I will say it till I'm in your arms again. I LOVE YOU, ANGEL.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-17 ***

Hi, Sweetheart. It's just me saying, "I Love You!" You can feel fall in the air right now. I hope it will stay this way. I'm kind of tired of the summer. There were quite a few clouds in the sky today, but no angels. I know what I saw on those previous years. I wish I could see it again. I wish I could see you again. Just to see the twinkle in your eyes and feel the safety of your arms, that would make me smile. I love you, sweetheart.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Babara Chucknick on 2007-09-15 ***

Hi Sweetheart, it's just me. Nothing much happened today. I just kind of let the day pass by. I still have trouble getting up. Seems I would rather just sleep or stare, and sometimes I don't even know what I stare at. The days have been cooling down now. I guess fall is on its way. Maybe. I love the holidays that are coming, but sometimes I don't. It seems that from September until the end of the year, I have to try extra hard to be happy, because I miss you so much. I know you will be by my side. So maybe I can just talk, and maybe you can just listen. I love you so much.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-14 ***

Hi, my love. It's me. I wrote to you last night, but something must have happened because it isn't posted. I couldn't end the day without saying, "I love you!." I promise you that when the day comes that this site may not be here anymore, I will resume writing in my journal to you, because there is a comfort in talking to you. After all, you are my best friend, my forever love, and my inspiration. I love you so very much and will keep writing to you on this site as long as I can. Please meet me in my dreams.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Babara Chucknick on 2007-09-13 ***

My love, it's me. Did you think that because the anniversary was over that I would stop writing to you? That would never happen. I love you too much, and you are my life. I suppose someday this website will be gone, and the day that it happens, I promise you I will go back to writing to you in my journal. I promise. So many people sent me messages about you. It makes me feel good to know that you are loved and not forgotten. Now we will journey to our 20th anniversary. You always made that such a special day. Then again, every day with you was special. Last night I stared at your pictures again, and I could again see your soul in the sparkle that you had in your eyes. How am I so blessed to have you for my husband. Hopefully now the tears will stop for a while. Maybe; I don't know. I do know one thing, that I feel you beside me so often now, and that makes me smile. I love you, my Angel.

My heart to yours for all eternity,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-12 ***

Hi, Sweetheart. It's me, just as I promised. Today was a very somber day. Filled with tears and sadness. I was at the memorial and cried, and when your name was read, I cried even harder. Today was all about you and only you. My prayers must have been heard, because today was finally different. It rained. It rained so hard that it seemed like all the angels in heaven cried as the world stood still remembering. The day left me numb as it did back in 2001. This day just like the 5 years before this is like a confirmation to my heart and soul that you were really taken from me. I don't know how to end this day, because my mind is racing with memories of 2001. I feel empty and alone, and yet I feel as though you are right beside me. I thought today of a movie that you liked so much: "What Dreams may come." When we watched it together and the part at the end where the husband and wife decided to come back to earth as children and find each other all over again, you would always look at me and ask, "Can we do that?" And we would laugh. And of course, I would say "Yes". I'm telling you now my love, "Yes, we can!" You are the only one I would go through life with again. John Denver sang a song called "For You." The words to that song express my love for you. I love you so much, and that love grows still greater every day. I keep you safe in my heart forever. My heart and soul to yours forever.

Your wife,

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-11 ***

Hi, Sweetheart. I'm here just as I promised. It was a very somber day, and I don't know how to end it. I have so much I want to say to you, yet I feel numb. This day was all about you and only you. The angels must have been listening, because I got my wish. It rained. It rained so hard for so long, that it seemed as if all the angels in heaven cried tears as the world stood still and remembered. I went to the memorial and cried. I listened to your name and cried harder, because every year when your name is spoken it is a confirmation to my mind and heart that you were taken away from me. I didn't answer the phone today, because I didn't know what to say. I didn't have any words, my thoughts were silenced as the memories filled every emotion and feeling in my body and soul. As I sit here now writing to you, I feel so very empty and alone. I feel it more tonight than I have in the past weeks, yet I can feel you near me. I thought about a movie that meant so much to you today: "What dreams may come". When we watched it together, and the ending came where he and his wife chose to come back to earth as children, so they could find each other all over again, you use to look at me and smile and say, "Can we do that?" I would say, "Yes," and we would laugh. I'm telling you now, "Yes, my love, we can do that." You're the only one I would want to go through life again with. You are my forever love. John Denver sang a song called "For you." The words to that song mean so much and symbolize my love for you. If we really can, we will do it again. My love for you grows stronger every day, and will for all eternity. My heart to yours forever, my love.

Your wife,

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-11 ***

Dear Steve, Barbara, and Steven,

Please know that you are in my thoughts daily, and especially on today. My heart is reaching out to you in the hopes that someday this will get easier for you, and that happiness will fulfill your lives again. I know that it has taken time, and things may seem as tho time stands still and you're just going thru the motions, but Steve will always remain in your hearts, as well as you in his. Love and Life are what help us survive, and it's apparent that love conquers all, even all our hearts out here, reading your words everyday.

Today........... no words will ever express how each and every devoted American feels today. I still shed tears every 9/11, and I imagine if I ever counted them, that each tear would represent each hero that were part of the unacceptable sacrifice.

Every time I wipe away a tear, I think about the families and the ones who are left to carry on without their loved ones...... and it's sad that are so many!

Time eases all pain. Even tho this day will live in all of us forever, we will prevail!

I still harbor anger........ I hate it! If I could have one wish, that day would have never happened to any of us.


*** Posted by Angelique on 2007-09-11 ***

Hi Sweetheart, it's me
I couldn't sleep last night thinking about today. It's 6:15, and I had to speak to you. I had to grasp onto the last moments of 6 years ago when you gave me my last kiss, and said I love you, I'll see you soon...... I can't say much today. I won't say much at this moment, except "I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH". This is hard, because all I do is stare at the clock as if I could change things. If only. I miss you. Please be with us today and I'll talk to you tonight.... I promise.
My heart to only you forever
Your Wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-11 ***

To all the people who visit this site as a tribute to my husband Steve. Please know that I am grateful, because it means that you are remembering not only Steve but all the others who were killed on 9/11. Please know that I too read all the tributes that are sent, and I share them with our son Steven. Please remember them forever, and especially remember our children, because they need your prayers. To "Angel"ique (anyone who knows me especially my husband, knows that I have a great devotion to the angels), Jessica and Cheryl, Thank you for remembering us and my especially my husband.
Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-10 ***

My Beloved Husband, My Angel, My Best Friend
Today is Monday, 2190 without you. Tomorrow is the 6th anniversary and I don't know what to do. I would sleep the day away if I could but I need to set an example for our son. He's hurting and I can't stand to see him that way. Nothing is being said, today was very somber again. I remember this day so clearly 6 years ago. You came home from work late, and you were just so happy. You were supposed to be on vacation that week, but said you had to go in on Tuesday September 11th for just a little while and that you would be home early, because you were going to take Steven in with you. We sat down, and you laid your head on my lap. I remember how silky your hair felt. We talked for a while, then you went to bed. The alarm didn't go off in the morning and you were running late so you didn't take Steven. I can remember him following you and you said "Don't worry I promise I'll be home early." I didn't know how to tell him when I went to get him at school. I was numb, and he was frightened. We miss you so much.
We said in our vows, "till death do us part". That's not true. You see, you hold my heart forever and I hold yours, and that lasts for all eternity. There isn't any parting, there isn't any moving on. I vowed to love you forever and I will for all eternity until I'm safe in your arms again.
I will always love you.
My heart to yours forever
You wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-10 ***

Hi Barbara and Steven,

I was just reading some of the memorials and came across this one for your husband/father. It has filled me with sadness on one hand and hope on the other. Sometimes I feel voyeuristic for reading these, but since you gave us your permission to do it, I feel better about it. Thank you, Barbara, for understanding that there are so many of us hurting for you that we keep coming back here, trying to see how you all are coping with such a tremendous loss. Long before 9/11, firefighters were my heroes because they never questioned what they did for people; they just did it, risking their own safety for ours. Today, you are my hero—for finding a way to carry on your lives while in such pain. I also turned 50 this year, so I feel a kindred spirit in Steve in knowing a little about how he would feel. I hope you know in your heart he is with you all the time. When you smell his cologne, it is him giving you a gift. When you dream about him it is because he is there. He wants you and Steven to be happy again—somehow, some way, some time. When you are ready. Nobody can say when that will be, but you. As you struggle to get through this anniversary, and the other one in October, open your mind and spirit and he will be all around you. That is where the hope comes in, that you can somehow find happiness again. It's what he wants for you both. He loves you more than anything, and you will see him again. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

*** Posted by Cheryl on 2007-09-10 ***

Dear Barbara, thank you very much for you kind words and blessing.

Please know that it is a sadness I feel for you and your son, knowing how strong you both are being during the most difficult time of your lives, and how inspirational you are to me. I couldn't wait to get here today, and find your words again. I think there is a reason I ended up on your husband's page....

I just wanted to tell you, Barbara, that a love like yours and Steve's is the love I have with my fiancé—something that will never be replaced, ever!

I had a dream about you last night. It was a dream where you and Steve and your son were all together. We were all sharing stories, especially on how you both met, and our story of how we met. In the dream, you had the biggest, most contagious smile I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. And you were happy. And that made me happy for you. Someday, the pain will ease, and you will heal again. Please remember that there are so many of us out here who may read your letters, and even tho we may cry, it's not so much of a sadness as it is an inspirational story about True Love between 2 beautiful people.

My best to you Barbara, I will keep coming here, if you don't mind, just to lend a supporting hand from NC, and to let you know that you are thought of everyday, ever since I ended up here on Steve's page. Again, there is a reason I came here, and maybe we will find out someday when we are least expecting it.

All my Best,

*** Posted by Angelique Remington-Lanier on 2007-09-10 ***

Hi, Sweetheart, it's me! Today is Sunday and 2189 days without you. It hasn't been a good day. It seems I sit here searching and searching. I was so proud because I found a site, an art site. It has a poster on it that I hope someday I can get. It is called "Faces of the Brave". You are on there twice along with the firemen, policemen, EMS, etc. I want you beside me, but I am so proud of you. That is part of who you are. Always thinking of others before yourself. I often said that, if angels walk this earth, then you were one and how blest I am to be your wife. Everyone knows that you would never have left that building if you knew that even one person was there. You are and always will be the only hero in my life. If I tried to explain the feeling that I got when we were together, it would be difficult. In your arms, I always felt that I was protected inside the wings of an angel. I miss you so much, but especially at this time. I am so proud of who you are. I LOVE YOU! My Heart to yours forever.

Your wife,

*** Posted by Babara Chucknick on 2007-09-09 ***

My love,

The day is coming to an end. Steven and I celebrated you as always, but the sadness was overwhelming. The song is written "My heart will go on," but what it doesn't say is that it will go on with incredible sadness and pain. I sat down by the water like I said I would, and, yes, I played the songs that remind me of you, and, yes, I cried. Cried for you and cried because I couldn't even get peace from looking at the sky over Manhattan because the city wasn't visible. What else will be taken from me? Now we move onto the anniversary. As of now it is 2188 days since I held you. I will count the days until I'm in your arms again.

My heart and love to you forever,
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-08 ***

My Beloved Husband,

Today is your 50th birthday, and I'm sure the angels in heaven are celebrating it with you, because today is also the birthday of the Blessed Mother. Your spirit must have been so special for Our Lord in heaven to send you to the world on the same day as his mother's birthday.

Here on earth things are different. Steven and I will celebrate your day, but the balloons, and birthday cake, the presents and the candles have been replaced by tears and sadness. I know I said I wasn't going to do this, and I tried, but my heart won't let the tears stop or the memories of what was. It was hard to get up today, and it seems no words are being spoken. Steven is hurting; I can see it. We brought all the flowers to the Oldbridge memorial as we always have, but the moment was somber. You're not there; its just a stone with your name on it. Please be near us and help us get through these next 4 days. If I could sleep right through them, I would. Let the 11th be different. Even if there is one cloud in the sky, it would replace the beautiful sunny day of 2001. It's selfish on my part, but I need it to be different. It's early afternoon right now, and I will go sit by the water and look at Manhattan's empty sky and dream--dream of a time when it was you and me. Dream of a time when we would walk through the city and when it rained you would hold me under your coat so I wouldn't get wet. A time when no one else existed in our world except you and me and a love that would last through eternity. Happy Birthday, my love.... My heart to yours forever.

Your wife,

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-08 ***

To all you who may be reading my letters that I post on here every night, please know that I didn't intend for them to make you sad. I love my husband with all my heart and find comfort in writing to him on here because I sometimes feel that he may be watching. I used to write in a journal only and didn't get the comfort that I get when I speak to him on here. Steve is and always be the only man I will ever love, and I was blessed to have him in my life. So, for anyone who may read what I post, know that true love never dies. It remains the deepest part of your heart forever.

And to Aneique, happy birthday, and may your marriage be blessed

Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2007-09-08 ***

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