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In Memory of Steven Paul Chucknick

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In Tribute to Steven Paul Chucknick
44 years old.   Residence: Cliffwood Beach, N.J.
Died in World Trade Center

NOTE:  The visitor remarks and comments below are NOT NECESSARILY the feelings or beliefs of this website's webmaster or sponsors.

327 Total Comments
Page:  2 of 17

My Love,

If you are looking down from heaven, then you can see that I cannot stop crying, and I need to know you are near. Monday, December 6th, our beloved Citrus lost his battle and was in a lot of pain. The doctors told me it was time, and he had to be put to sleep. My heart which remained broken since I lost you is now even in more pain than I could ever have imagined. He struggled for seven months to stay with us, and, like you, he was loved by everyone who knew him. It was just too much for him. His legs gave out, and I could not let him suffer in pain. I loved him too much. I know how much you loved him when you were with us, and now I am praying that he is with you. You loved the movie "What Dreams May Come." I remember when their dog had died and then became a puppy again in heaven. Please let me know that he is with you somehow.... I loved him so much, and I tried to keep him here, but it was too much for him.... Please give me a sign. I really need one.

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife,

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-12-08 ***

My Angel,

So, here we are ... another Thanksgiving ... another year passing ... another day I wish I could hold you. Can you believe that our son in now 22? ... Where has the time gone? Where has my life gone? Obviously nowhere without you. This Thanksgiving as we bow our heads to pray, I will give thanks, thanks for having you in my life ... and thanks for being able to hold you in my heart. A place that only you hold forever. I will give thanks for our son because, if I hadn't married you, he would not be in my life. I say it so many times, and it still makes me smile.... "I can look into our son's eyes and still see you." He is the part of you that they couldn't take away from me, the part of you that still graces this earth with kindness and love.... So I am thanking God for blessing me with the most wonderful man who ever lived and with the child, now man, who continues your legacy on this earth. I love you, my angel.

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-11-23 ***

My Dear Hazel,

Your post was very touching, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Yes, my husband was an incredibly amazing man. Having him for my husband made my life complete. I have a son who is just as amazing as his dad, so Steve lives on in Steven. You are right, don't ever take even one moment for granted. I wish you much happiness in your life and also good luck on your project. There are so many wonderful people who lost their lives that day who need to always be remembered. It is people like you, Hazel, who will keep their memories alive. Thank you so much for writing.

Many hugs right back to you,
Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-11-23 ***

I really donít know what to say.... Iím not very good at writing letters like this, but I felt like I need to tell you how much your posts have touched me....

I was really young when everything happened on 9/11, but I remember sitting at home with my older sister and not truly understanding what was happening. I wasn't impacted a lot because I live in Australia, but now that I am older, I understand the full extent of what happened, the way families' lives were ripped apart with no warning.

I have a project at school at the moment about the victims and heroes of 9/11, and for no particular reason I clicked on Steve's memorial. Reading through all the posts, I found myself in tears. You said in one post back in 2007 that you don't write on here to upset people. But I could help but cry for you, your husband, and your son. My heart goes out to you, and you will all be in my prayers. Your post made me realise everything that I take for granted in my life: My friends, my family, and most of all my parents.

Your husband sounds like an amazing man, and you are a remarkable brave woman. I know I will not forget you or your story for a very long time.

Many hugs,
Hazel Fisher

*** Posted by Hazel Fisher on 2010-11-10 ***

My Beloved Husband,

Today would have been our 23rd wedding anniversary. Instead of spending it with you, I am here alone, remembering. Where has the time gone? How can I be more in love with you than ever? How can my heart remain in 2001 while I walk in 2010? Life will never be the same without you. I find it so hard to exist without you by my side. I hope you are with me today because, as I promised 23 years ago, I will love you forever, and not even in death will we part. I love you, my angel,

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-10-23 ***

My Angel,

I can't believe how fast time is going. It is already October 8th, and the cool Autumn breeze is blowing. It was such an incredibly hot summer. I for one am happy to see it go. This month would have been our 23rd Anniversary. Can you believe it? Sometimes I feel as though I were robbed. I loved being your wife. I loved being loved by you. Is it true that the love you get here you take with you? Can you still feel the love I have for you? The nights are so lonely without you. Oh! The days are as well, but I really feel the loneliness late at night when the house is quiet and I can't sleep.

Now the holidays are coming. And believe me, they are coming fast. So I do the same thing I do every year. I put up thousands of decorations ... and when I put the ornaments on the trees ... I can't stop the tears. So many of them have so many beautiful memories.... Thank you for being the man that you were.... Thank you for loving me. Thank you for our son.... And thank you for forever being my husband. I love you.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife always,

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-10-09 ***


I don't know how you came across my husband's tribute. In fact, I don't even know if you will see my reply, or for that fact, if anyone I answer ever sees how grateful I am that Steve is remembered. But I want you to know that your post means a lot to me and my son. I get comfort knowing that Steve is being remembered by so many. I post on here quite a bit because it makes me feel closer to my husband. I guess it makes me feel like he standing beside me and reading what I am writing. And, like you, sometimes as I am writing to him, I can hardly see through the tears. Yes, he was an incredible man, and you are right, they don't make them like him anymore. However, I am lucky to have our son, who is just like my husband. He has the kind and gentle caring personality of my Steve.... So my husband lives on, and I am blessed. Thank you for your post. Like I said, I don't know how you came across my husband's tribute, but I am grateful.

Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-28 ***

Barbara and Steven:

I do not have the blessing of having known Steven, your fondly remembered husband and dad, or of personally knowing either of you. I've read some of your letters, though, Barbara, in hopes of knowing a bit about the beloved man that was lost that day, and I am now a sobbing mess at seeing just a glimpse of your Steven and mourning the world's loss at losing a really good guy, the kind they don't make much anymore, and then smiling that Steven sounds like exactly this type of guy. I feel pain at knowing a love such as yours had to be torn apart in the way it was, and I'm so sad that you're experiencing your loss in even more hurtful ways as the time passes. I pray for all three of you.

*** Posted by Alana on 2010-09-24 ***

My love,

It took me longer to come back to you this year than the years before, and I am so sorry. Please know that I have thought of you every day. It's just that the world is not right anymore. There is so much pain and sadness that I don't know if it will ever be right again. The days get harder for me. I seem to struggle just to deal with everything. And yet, there is so much I am grateful for. First of all, I will always be blessed to be your wife, and secondly, I am so blessed to have our son. Can you believe that Steven will be 22 this year? Where has the time gone! When you were taken from us, I held a little boy in my arms as we cried. And now I look at a wonderful man, a man whom you would be so proud of. He is just like you. Not in one or two ways, but in every way. And I see you in his eyes. He has the same look that you had. I can look into his eyes and see his soul just like I did with you. He has a kindness that you just don't find easily in people anymore. And he has a heart that gives love freely, just the way you did. So I will repeat what I have said before: "They may have taken you from me, but I can still look into our son's eyes and see YOU!... I love you so much and forever will!

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-24 ***

Dear Rhonda,

I am sorry that I did not respond sooner, but I seemed lost in thought longer this year than any other year. And yes, sadder, if that's possible. Thank you so much for caring and for your kind words. It is so nice to see that people that we don't even know still care and remember. This keeps alive not only Steve, but all of those who were lost on that horrific day. I am sure that they are all watching over us. You are so kind to post a tribute where you see none. Please know I will always remember your kindness, and you will be in my prayers as well.

Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-24 ***

Dear Melanie,

Thank you for thinking of my son and me on the ninth anniversary of 9/11. I am sorry that I didn't respond sooner, but this year was harder to heal. I guess as time goes on, it will always take longer to heal from the day. It's just because I miss my Steve so very much. But thanks to wonderful people like you and so many others, he remains alive and among us. Please know that I will always remember your kindness.

Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-24 ***

Dear Allison,

Thank you for posting your tribute to my Steve. My son and I love when we see a tribute from someone who knew him. You would have loved him just as much for the man he became, still very giving and caring as you knew him as a boy. He was incredible, and I am so very blessed to be his wife. No other can or will ever hold my heart because, as I have said many times, Steve lives in my heart now and forever. Thank you for your kind words.

Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-24 ***

Dear Barbara,

I don't know you or your precious husband.... but I have read several of your letters to your husband posted here. My heart goes out to you and the deep pain and longing you are feeling. You express such deep love for him that it really touches my heart.... he must have been a wonderful man. I just want you to know that you and your family are thought of. I am so sorry for your heartache...

*** Posted by Melanie on 2010-09-11 ***

Dear Barbara, I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today. I know how hard this day must be for you and your son. I don't know either one of you but I read your loving kind words everyday. I view this website daily and the ones who do not have comments, I make sure I put something. Everyone on that day needs to know they are thought of and in our prayers. I hope one day you will be at peace. You are a very loving and caring person and I wish you well. May God bless you in every way.

*** Posted by Rhonda (Omaha NE) on 2010-09-11 ***

I remember Steven as a sweet, quiet, generous boy who always shared his school supplies with the class. I went to P.S. 41 with Steven and will always think of him as that young, sweet boy. My thoughts and prayers are with his family today.

*** Posted by Allison Elliott on 2010-09-11 ***

My Love, My Heart
Here we are again. Where?... I'm not sure as my heart remains with you in 2001. I sat by the water today and talked to you. The Skyline looks so empty but as I stared, I could see the Towers again. Only in my minds eye, but it was comforting. This is the night you came home so happy. Sept 10th. I remember sitting on the sofa and you came to me and put your head in my lap and I was able to stroke your hair. A feeling that I still remember. So silky and everything was alright with the world. I had my husband, my son and my wonderful family. What else could I want... What else could I possibly need. Nothing. I had it all. I remember the morning of Sept 11th so well. And I think to myself... "What If"... the alarm didn't go off... so what if you hadn't awakened to see that it didn't go off... You would have been home... When Steven wouldn't let go of you... what if you had missed to train... you would have been home with us... what if you didn't get to work that day... you would have been home with us but so many of the people you saved would have died... so my what if's weren't meant to be. You were meant to be there to help these people get home to their families. You are their hero.. but in my eyes, my love, you were a hero to me from the first day I met you... I love you so very much and miss you so badly that it hurts all over again
Sleep tight my Angel
My heart to only yours forever
Your wife Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-10 ***

Hello Cheryl,
I do remember you and thank you for remembering my Steve.... Your posting is beautiful, but unfortunately the world is not listening as you can see... We can only hope that someday there will once again be peace on earth. I hope it doesn't take another disaster for people to realize it all needs to stop. We need to join together and care about one another. But, I guess for some people to move on its easier to forget than remember. Thank YOU for remembering and please stay safe

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-10 ***

I have just spent ages reading through all your posts Barbara. It makes me feel sad but also fills me with happiness that you still think about your husband every single day. I can't even imagine what you went through and the people of America on that tragic day.
I bet your son is so proud of you and his dad.
How I wish it was 9 years ago when none of this happened. Life is just so unfair. Everything bad always happens to the nice and honest people.

All my love from England
Leanne xo

*** Posted by Leanne - England on 2010-09-10 ***

Hi Barbara,

I haven't been here in a long time, but I think of you and Stephen frequently. It surely is no easier these days than in 2001, but I hope you're doing okay. Your eternal love for your husband should be a beacon for all to be better people, to love large, to celebrate each other, and to never forget. I'm praying for and thinking of your family today. God bless!

*** Posted by Cheryl on 2010-09-10 ***

My beloved husband,

It's 1:00 a.m. on Sept 8th. Today is your birthday, and you would have been 53. Thoughts of your last birthday with us keep flooding my mind. Today I feel helpless and so sad. I would give anything to put my arms around you, to look into your eyes, to kiss you, and to wish you a beautiful day. When we celebrated your 44th birthday, we had so much fun. Who could have known that you would be taken from us in just 72 hours? You were so happy that day because we spent it alone, just you, me, and Steven. You never wanted a fuss made over you, and I can remember you telling me that you were so happy because it was just the three of us. I am so lost in thought right now. It is so silent in the house right now, and as I remember your last year with us, I can feel my heart being ripped in half, and the tears won't stop. I promised myself I wouldn't do this to myself this year, but how can I not? ... You hold my heart forever, and I am so lonely and lost without you. I still will never know how I made it through nine years without you. I miss you so much. Happy birthday in heaven, my angel.

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-08 ***

327 Total Comments

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