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In Memory of Steven Paul Chucknick



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In Tribute to Steven Paul Chucknick
44 years old.   Residence: Cliffwood Beach, N.J.
Died in World Trade Center

NOTE:  The visitor remarks and comments below are NOT NECESSARILY the feelings or beliefs of this website's webmaster or sponsors.
 

327 Total Comments
Page:  3 of 17

My angel,

I can't believe that today is September 4th already. Four more days till your birthday. You would be turning 53, but because you were taken from us so young, you will be forever young. Steven and I still celebrate your birthday, and we always wish that you were here, so we could spoil you. The day is usually spent doing the things that you always loved to do, but I am not sure about this year. It seems so very somber. I guess we spent the last nine years just trying to hold onto you by still having a cake for you and spending the day talking about you. The truth is that I will go to the memorial alone to bring you flowers this year. Steven will be back in college and won't be with me. I hope you will be there. I can always feel your presence and know that you are near. I love you, my angel, and forever will.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-09-04 ***

My beloved husband,

I am sitting here again because I can't sleep. I look at the clock, and it's 2 in the morning on August 31st. Sleep seems even less now, and the tears are more. I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts of you. You seem to be coming back into my dreams again, but now it hurts more because the dreams feel so real. We are together again and having fun. I seem to wake, though when I see Steven, he is little again. I guess I want the dream to continue, but my mind is telling me something is wrong. Steven shouldn't be small. So I lie there and try to fall asleep again, but I can't. Something is tearing my heart, and so I walk around the house wondering. Wondering if I will ever be okay again. Wondering how this could have ever happened. You would think that by now I would accept it, but I can't. Even with the changes I have made ... it's not working. It's all a lie. A camouflage of how I really feel. Sometimes I want to just sit in a corner and cry until I haven't any more tears. But I don't because now I keep it all from Steven. He needs to be happy. He needs to have his own life. I need you to guide him. He loved you so much ... but no one will ever love you the way that I do....

I love you, sweetheart.

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-08-31 ***

September is here and, as usual, it sets the mood for the months that follow. Although we always think and talk about Steve, it is the thoughts and memories that are not expressed in words that linger. While life goes on for most of us, there are always so many underlying thoughts and feelings about how different things would have been with Steve still here—for all of us, not just for Barb and Steven. George and I would still have him and Barb as "partners in crime," and everything we all do together is not nearly the same without him. There is so much that we do and so many changes that have taken place that we can clearly imagine Steve's reaction to, or the enjoyment he would have taken in them. We all miss Steve. It's something that we will never get over.

With loving memory from a sister-in-law that he was very good to,
Anne

*** Posted by Anne Barringer on 2010-08-27 ***

My Angel,

My heart is pounding harder as the 9th anniversary approaches. And yes, my thoughts go back to the summer of 2001 and all the beautiful times we shared. Every year I try not to do this, and every year I seem to, and it hurts more than the year before. Will I ever live again? I just watch as the days pass by and the years come and go, and I feel lost. I can't believe our little boy ... is not little anymore. He will be 22 years old this year. My mind is caught in confusion, and I let it get that way. I can't let go of you. I can't put you out of my mind, mostly because I don't want to. Now it's to the point where I make believe I am okay, but I'm not. It seems everyone has moved on, apart from me. You are holding my heart, and I believe you always will. I love you so very much and miss you all the more.

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-08-24 ***

My beloved,

I can't believe that it is mid-August already. Where has the year gone? And now we are getting ready for the ninth anniversary. Why does it still seem to me like all of this happened yesterday? I still remember every little thing about you and how your arms felt when you held me. I can still hear the beat of your heart. Maybe it's because I hold your heart in mine and forever will. I love you, my angel. Sleep tight tonight!

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-08-16 ***

My Angel,

I just wanted to tell you that you are forever in my thoughts, today and every day.... And I love you more than ever.

Your wife,
Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucnick on 2010-07-12 ***

My beloved husband,

This weekend is Fathers' Day again, and we miss you so very much. Steven and I don't discuss the day too much because it hurts so badly. We don't even have a place to leave flowers for you—well, not a place where you are. So I will once again leave them at the memorial. I know you will be with me there. I can always feel you around me. I wish you wee here with us, so we could spoil you like we used to. We love you so very, very much!

Our hearts to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara and our son Steven

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-06-18 ***

My Angel,

I tried to stay away from here for a while just to try to heal, but I miss you too much. It is when I am writing to you on here that I feel closest to you. I always feel as if you are standing next to me and reading what I am writing. So here I am again and will forever be. I love you so very much and always will.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-06-14 ***

My Beloved Husband,

The time is passing way too quickly.... We are now heading into May, and the spring breeze is here with us. This was one of your favorite times of the year, not too hot and not too cold. I will never forever all the things you loved ... and I will forever love you.

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-04-24 ***

Hi, my sweetheart,

I thought about you a lot today. Easter is only 2 days away. I don't know where the year is going. It seems like Christmas was just here, and now it's spring. I was remembering all the Easters we had together and wishing we had one more with you. We love you so much and always will.

Our hearts to yours forever,
Your wife Barbara and your son Steven

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-04-02 ***

Hi, my love,

As you can see, I can't stay away. This is the only place where I can talk to you and believe that you are right here with me reading what I am writing.... I still miss you so very much. It's another spring without you. The weather was warm for a couple of days, and now it seems that all we have is rain and a constant cloud cover.... The days are really kind of gloomy.... I guess it kind of matches the way I feel sometimes.... Well, okay—
most of the time.... I miss you so very, very much ... and I am trying.... But you are still my first thought when I awake and the last word of my prayers at night.... I love you, angel.

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-03-24 ***

Hi, my angel,

Just sitting here thinking of you tonight. Well, where else would I be, anyway? ... It's quiet, and the day went so very fast. I couldn't sleep—not that I ever do, so I was just looking around and wishing you were here. I miss you so much, and I guess I always will.... Today I remembered how we always planned for Easter.... We would always have my brother and sister and their families over. It was always so much fun. Now Steven and I don't really do much. Sometimes we go away, or we have Anne over with her family. But the day is usually quiet.... I hope you will be with us this year. I need to know you are near me.... I will always love you.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-03-11 ***

My Beloved,

I know I haven't spoken to you lately as much as I used to, but I have to stop the pain.... I know that you understand because I know that you are always with me.... I have been through a lot lately, and I know you were there by my side all the way. That is the way I want it to be. I want you to be with me always.... I just need to stop the crying after almost 9 years. It isn't good, and I have finally realized that. You won't be coming home, ever. I think that deep in my heart I have always waited for you to come home. I thought I was helping myself by believing that, but I only hurt myself. You are not coming home, ever. I know that someday I will be in your arms again where I belong. But I realize that Steven needs me here as well. You are my only love.... I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you and always will be. So if I am not on here as much as I used to be, it's only because I need to stop the pain. I still think of you every day of my life and forever will....

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-03-01 ***

My Beloved Husband,

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I think back to when we first met and had our first Valentine's day together.... I still have the soft teddy bear you gave me that day. He is sitting in our room where he always was and always will be. I love it so much. And, yes ... I am still so in love with you. The only thing that would make tomorrow special would be to hold you in my arms. But we both know that will never happen. So I will close my eyes and dream. Dream about you and the warmth that I always felt when you held me.... I am hopelessly in love with you, and the very thought of you makes me smile!

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-02-14 ***

My love,

I was sitting here thinking of you tonight and still missing you so very much. I find it hard to write to you sometimes because it just brings back all the pain. You must know that there is not one day that goes by that I don't think of you. I always think of you because you are in my heart and a part of everything I do. I know you want me to get on with my life, but I can't. I am still stuck in 2001 because that is where I lost you, and that is where I lost part of my life. I hope you can see our son and what a wonderful man he has become. He is still so very much like you in his mannerisms and the way he cares about people. I just needed to let you know that you are forever in my heart, and you are the only man I could ever love....

My heart to only yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-01-24 ***

My Love,

I am so sorry I have been away so long. Everything is alright now. I know you were with me and watching over me. I missed talking with you so very much. But I did think of you every day and every night. I love you so very much.

My heart to only yours,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2010-01-15 ***

My beloved husband,

You came to me, and now I need strength. Please be with me. Tomorrow is our son's 21st birthday. Please help him to get his smile back. It is breaking my heart to see how sad he is. I love you so very much.

My heart to yours forever,
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2009-11-15 ***

Chris,

It is odd that you mentioned that little Yankee Stadium. It was given to our son, Steven, by my father-in-law. Steven always kept it in his room. He knew how much my husband liked it, so he told him to take it to his office. Steven really loved the Yankees, and I was thrilled to see that they won this year. I think they had a little help from Steve. Thank you for posting your tribute and remembering my Steve so fondly!...

Barbara Chucknick

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2009-11-10 ***

I was one of Steve's vendors. I would visit him on a regular basis, and I was always met with a big Steve smile and a firm, friendly handshake.

In 2001 I wanted the Yanks to win so badly for Steve. I remember in his office he had a Yankee Stadium miniature replica. I find myself from time to time thinking about that little stadium ... anyway ...

This recent Yankee victory I dedicate to Steve! That big smile is ear to ear ... up there in heaven!

*** Posted by Chris Coyle on 2009-11-06 ***

O, My Beloved Husband,

Tomorrow, October 23rd, is our 22nd wedding anniversary, and the tears are flowing once again. I am sitting and remembering how happy we both were 22 years ago. My heart and soul are with you as I celebrate the day and vow to love only you for the rest of my life. Our vows go way beyond "till death do us part." For me, you will remain my forever love and only you will hold my heart for all eternity. I loved you from the first moment I saw you and that love will never leave. It is the love that I have for you that keeps me going. You are in my heart because you are my heart. And throughout the day I will remember the beautiful life I had with you. It is all the memories that I hold in my heart that make me know that I am the luckiest woman in the world to be able to say I am your wife!... Happy anniversary, my love....

My heart to only yours—forever!
Your wife, Barbara

*** Posted by Barbara Chucknick on 2009-10-23 ***


327 Total Comments

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